For a friend

I sit outside in the freezing cold and see the world.

I feel the cold when I look inside and see no world.

I feel no cold when I sit outside without protection.

The fire inside me burns my world and keeps me warm.

The air is thin inside my head, it's consumed by the fire.

I can not hold out so long in there, in this thin air, I need to escape.

I escape into my habits, they will release me... for now.

The habits will please me but I know they are like acid.

The acid that is slowly eating away my life, my happiness.

I know it pleases me but it eats away my freedom.

I don't know what to do, the fire is burning, the acid is hungry.

The cold air outside reduce the pain, the pain of the coldness helps.

The pain of the cold air brings life in these burned down nerves inside my brain.

I love the coldness, I love this pain... I hate this bullshit.

I hate this bullshit, these bars that forces me outside in the cold.

The bars that prevent me from going inside, reach out to my loved one.

The bars that are standing between the me that you see and the me that I know.

I know that me of mine, I was it once, before this carousel of burning and sour.

I know it is still there, it sits beside me in the cold, frozen and not able to take away.

The tears that fall in thousand peaces on the ground like my thoughts.

The thoughts without order are lieing there outside and it, my I, me, it is not able.

I am not able to sort them, my hands are to cold, I wane go in and feel the warmth.

I wan to go inside but no... I am getting crazy, please coldness, freeze my thoughts.

The thoughts will not freeze, the acid is like fuel for the fire inside me, I need to escape.

The key to freedom, where is it, I have seen it, in the distance, in the deepness.

I have to seek in the deepness, in the deepness of my thoughts, between the roots.

I have to look between the roots of the tree that stands on the ground where I was born.

The ground where it all started, my youth, my innocence...my freedom.

The roots of the tree where I played as a child when the world was no problem.

I was taken away there, I remember, I dropped the key, it is still there.

I have to go back there, clime down this tree into the unseen darkness.

The darkness that hides the memory's of the past but what will they look like.

The darkness that shows the forgotten reality's, unveiling the trough.

I am afraid to go down there, I rather stay out here in the cold, I am used to it.

I am afraid to go down and face the truth, is there truth? This is my truth.

The coldness is my truth, it's my own mistake that I sit here outside, alone.

The choice is mine, I know what I am doing...I know what I am doing...

I know what I am do...

I notice... I am staring... my eyes wide open, the tears are frozen, who am I kidding... I don't now.

The one besides me, that sits besides me, the me from between the roots it suddenly moves.

The warmth is overwhelming when it looks into my eyes, when I look in these eyes.

I feel the strength growing, the fire is going the acid is now candy I laugh and look deeper.

I look deeper in these eyes and then they wink, and gone they are... what was this? What happened?

The eyes where opened and it felled great, know they closed again and it is cold again.

The fire is back... but what is this...the fear is gone...it is swollen believe.

I feel something burning but now in my hart, an overwhelming trust, still small but it's there.

I looked in these Eyes for only a second, I looked at a time when the world was whole.

The world was whole, I now understand that I have to look like a child again, this second.

The second I was waiting for, where did it came from, who send it to me... Will it stay?

I feel the fire suffocating in my hard, the coldness is returning, no, not again...

I feel...I feel these eyes, I feel that they struggling to stay, is it really happening?

The feeling is still there, is the sun finely coming, is the moment of rebirth there?

The eyes are dry, I stand up and go in. I feel a little bigger, it was no dream, I feel happy.

I will get there.